Rosalie VS Jacob
by cuttheshenanigans
Summary: When Rosalie and Jacob get into an argument again for the billionth time , Carlisle is fed up so he gives them the ultimate punishment. READ TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT! R&R please! Set after Breaking Dawn. Includes sequel.
1. The Fight

Rosalie VS Jacob

Summary: When Rosalie and Jacob get into an argument (again), Carlisle is fed up so he gives them the ultimate punishment. He sends them to a therapist!

**I DON'T OWN TWILIGHT! DON'T RUB IT IN TOO MUCH! **

**RPOV**

"ITS MY TURN!"

"NO ITS NOT! I GET TO DO IT!"

I was pissed. This dog wouldn't let me feed my own niece! It's not like he was related to her!

"YOU THINK JUST 'CAUSE YOU IMPRINTED ON HER YOU GET TO FEED HER WHENEVER YOU WANT!?"

"YOU THINK JUST CAUSE YOU'RE SO _PERFECT_," he said the word with a disgusted taunting voice, "THAT YOU CAN FEED HER WHENEVER YOU WANT!? BELLA LEFT ME IN CHARGE!"

I gasped. "SHE DID NOT! SHE SAID-"

"Guys, guys lets calm down."

"SHUTUP SETH!" The dog and I both said this at the same time. The fact that we were thinking the same thing made me want to kill him even more. Stupid imprinting…

Leah was holding Nessie who was squirming to stop the fight but Jacob gave her orders to hold her **(AN: HE DIDN'T USE HIS ALPHA VOICE!)** and not let me get to her. If he thought she was going to stop me he had another thing coming. Leah chose this moment to speak.

"I think that Blondie needs to get a life. Now can someone take Nessie from me?" UGH. I COULD TOTALLY TELL SHE WAS A BIT DISGUSTED HOLDING NESSIE! I CAN'T BELIEVE THE DOG GAVE HER TO SOME…. SOME…….SOME DOG! AND DID SHE JUST CALL ME BLONDIE!?

I heard Carlisle's car pull up in front of the house. He probably heard the shouting and was coming to investigate. Carlisle better take my side in this…

"Rosalie, Jacob what's going on? I have to get to the hotel before they present me the award." Carlisle was winning yet another award for his hard work as a doctor. Everyone else was already at the hotel but I volunteered to stay with Nessie (unfortunately so did the dog…). She couldn't come. If the other doctors saw her they might wonder who she is and ask questions and… I was distracted by a reflection of myself in the glass wall. I looked stunning perfect as always.

"Carlisle!" I said before the dog could tell some twisted side to the story that made me look like the bad guy which I totally wasn't. "So _Jacob _(Carlisle didn't like it when I called the dog a dog. Ugh.) wont let me feed Renesmee even though it's my turn."

"EXCUSE ME!?" The dog sounded pissed. Good. "IT WAS YOU'RE FAULT YOU-"

Carlisle was usually very calm so the next words out of his mouth surprised me.

"SHUTUP! IM TIRED OF YOU TWO FIGHTING ALL THE TIME! IF YOU CANT GET ALONG THEN IM SORRY BUT I'M SENDING YOU TO SEE A COLLEAGUE OF MINE!"

**Author Commentary:**

WAS THIS CHAPTER FUNNY ENOUGH!? I hope so. REVIEW PLEASE! NEXT CHAPTER CARLISLE SENDS ROSE AND JAKE TO HIS COLLEAGUE….A THERAPIST WHO SPECIALIZES IN RELATIONSHIPS! MWAHAHAHAHA


	2. The Colleague

Rosalie vs. Jacob

Chapter 2- The Colleague

**I know, I know- I don't own Twilight or it's characters. They belong to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer. But that doesn't mean I can't dream. *sigh* **

**P.S. I wrote this chapter with a sane mind. I'm sure you'll notice the difference. **

**Third Person POV **

Rosalie and Jacob (not arguing for once) marched into the Forks Hospital. They had no idea why they were at a hospital but Rosalie had a few ideas as to who this colleague might be. Sure they were a little far- fetched but she didn't care. She hoped that (A) It was a vet who would put the 'dog' down or (B) It was one of Carlisle's vampire friends, Mikhael, who was buff (not as buff as her monkey man of course) and had a thing for her and would gladly beat the dog up for her (of course she had Emmett for that and she could do it herself but if Mikhael did it HE would get in trouble with Carlisle).

Now, Jacob and Rosalie were alike in the fact that they had an extreme hate for each other so it shouldn't be a surprise to find that Jacob was having similar thoughts. He at that moment was hoping Carlisle's colleague was (A) a werewolf (or shape shifter or whatever the hell his species was called these days) who did not tolerate self- centered vampires and had such a short temper that he wouldn't be able to handle her so he'd rip her to pieces or (B) well, he didn't have a B. The A theory was just too darn good.

Carlisle was in front of the room he told them to go into that morning. He looked nervous for some reason (yeah, when Rosalie found out who the colleague was…well lets just say he'd better run).

"So, I have to get back to work. You're meeting Dr. Yurugama. She specializes in…you know what? I'll let her tell you. I'll see you two later." He walked off at a pace too fast to be human.

"Hey, Rose." Rosalie spun around to see Emmett.

"Emmett! What are you doing here?" Rosalie hugged Emmett and quickly kissed him on the lips.

"Well, Carlisle told everyone where he was sending you two yesterday. So we've decided to come lend you some, er, moral support."

"_We_?" Jacob said picking up on the key word.

"Yeah, Bella, Edward, Jasper, Alice, Nessie, Esme and I."

"Good. Now there'll be an audience to vouch for me in court when Blondie rips my throat out for no reason," Jacob said, dead serious.

Rosalie growled. Emmett took out his phone to call Edward and tell him to hurry up already before someone died. Rosalie looked at him accusingly.

"You came because you thought I would kill him, didn't you?"

"Um, no Rose I came to help you kill him when you say go," Emmett lied.

Rosalie would have argued further but she spotted Nessie and the others walking down the hallway.

"Aunt Rose!" Renesmee said jumping into Rosalie's arms.

The office door opened.

"Well, hello you must be Rosalie Hale and Jacob Black. Carlisle has told me many things about you two."

**Still Third Person POV but leaning more to Rose's POV**

Everyone walked into the office, Nessie now in the arms of Bella.

"I'm, Dr. Yurugama but since we're all friends now you can call me Dr. Y."

While Dr. Blah babbled on and on about herself, Blond- I mean, Rose did a once over of this hideous woman. She was wearing zebra stripped pants, the stripes being hot pink ,with a red sweater, penny loafers and a cheetah print vest. WHO LET THIS WOMAN OUT OF THE UGLY ZOO? AND WHAT WAS WITH THE BEDAZZLED RITA SKEETER (from harry potter) GLASSES!?

"I specialize in relationships." Rosalie snapped back to reality doing her best to ignore the no fashion sense. I think if she could bleed her eyes would be doing it right then and there but then again that would make her ugly and as we all know: UGLY + ROSE = SOME STARNGE ALTERNATE UNIVERSE WHERE UGLY PEOPLE RULE THE EARTH!

"Relationships?" she and Jacob said at the same time. They scowled at each other. Jacob could see the others (the rest of the cullens) shrinking back sensing danger.

"Yes, relationships. I help make it work." THAT OUTFIT OF YOURS ISN'T WORKIN! Rose screamed this inside her head.

"We're not in a relationship." Rosalie said trying to control her voice. She really, really wanted to slap this woman for two reasons: (A) she dressed worse than Bella. BELLA! (B) MARRIED TO A 'DOG'!? PERFECT HER!? OH HALE NO!

Jacob wasn't having much luck keeping his cool either.

"I know that," Dr. Y said. "But Dr. Cullen said that you two are in the same house together often so you two are as good as married."

Rosalie lunged for the woman's throat…

But Emmett grabbed her around the waist and held onto her tight. Dr. Y, shook her head at Rose, looking like this happened every other day.

"And that's another thing. Only Rosalie and Jacob can stay in the room. The rest of you will have to go."

"WHAT!?" the Cullens chorused in unison. Leaving Rose and Jake in a room with only a WEAK VULNERABLE HUMAN that already ticked of Rose was not a good thing.

Rose went limp in Emmett's arms. _I'm screwed_, she thought.

Yes Rosalie. Yes you are.

**Author Commentary:**

LOL.

Feel free to give me ideas for future chapters in the review. These stories are here to make you happy after all.


	3. Secrets Out

Rosalie VS. Jacob

Chapter 3- Secret's Out…

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Twilight or its characters. They belong to the AWESOME Stephenie Meyer. But that doesn't mean I can't dream. *sigh* =( **

**Third Person POV**

"First we're going to play a game. It's called, 'Name Three Things You Don't Like About Each Other.' Once we figure out exactly why you two don't like each other then we can learn to accept each other for our faults. Doesn't that sound fun?"

Rosalie snorted. Dr. Y turned to Jacob probably hoping he'd agree but he didn't say anything. She cleared her throat, looking slightly uncomfortable and very frustrated.

"Right. Jacob lets start with you. What are three things you don't like about Rosalie?"

Jacob grinned. He was starting to like this game. Rosalie, however, was a different story.

"Well, she's annoying, she complains too much and she's stuck up."

Rosalie was staring daggers at Jacob. It put the looks she used to give Bella when she first met her to shame.

"Good," Dr. Y said, oblivious to the expression on Rose's face (The same one she had when she almost killed the doctor). "Now Rosalie it's your turn.

In a false sugary sweet voice Rosalie voiced her…opinions of Jacob. "He smells, he makes dumb jokes and worst of all, he _exists_."

"I smell? You don't exactly smell like roses."

"One more word out of your mouth and I will kill you, you dog."

Dr. Y interrupted. "Now, now, we're all friends here. And friends don't give friends death threats."

"FRIENDS!? FIRST YOU SAY WE'RE MARRIED AND NOW THIS!? USE YOUR BAD FASHION SENSE MIND AND UNDERSTAND WHAT'S GOING ON HERE! I HATE HIM! HE HATES ME! THE END"

Rosalie stormed out ripping the door off its hinges (literally).

Dr. Y gaped openmouthed at the doorway in shock. Jacob laughed quietly into his hand. This was very VERY amusing to him. Still laughing he got up and walked out.

**I know its short but I update so much that it shouldn't really that big of a deal. Enjoy! **


	4. Damage Control

**Rosalie VS. Jacob**

**Chapter 4- Damage Control**

**Disclaimer: Twilight and it's characters belongs to Stephenie Meyer but at least I get to play with them. =) P.S. I OWN DR. MILLIE YURUGAMA.**

**RPOV**

I walked to the office door against my will. Carlisle was making me do this. I had foolishly revealed my family's secret to my therapist. Ugh. _My_ therapist. I will NEVER get used to those words. Anyways, I had to come up with some excuse for ripping the door off its hinges. I knocked on some plastic hanging on a shower curtain rod that covered the doorway. Guess the door hadn't been replaced yet. Dr. Y answered, now wearing…ugh…overalls and a plaid shirt? Even BELLA dresses better than this!

The doctor looked scared. Good. "Wha- What are y-y-you d-d-doing h-h-here?"

"I just wanted to explain the accident yesterday." She didn't reply, her eyes just widened. I was thinking about telling her I had an adrenaline rush but thought that was a dumb reason. What kind of idiot would actually believe that? **[A/N: I TOTALLY THOUGHT THAT WAS A DUMB (but hilarious. haha) EXCUSE IN THE MOVIE. At least Bella didn't believe it. And I did Google it.] **So I said something else instead.

"The wood was rotting and the hinges were probably broken when the door broke off. I mean, who can just break a door? I'm just an ordinary human." Yeah right.

She looked doubtful. Crap. If she didn't believe me, Edward and Jasper would probably bother me about it later like they did last night. Edward is such a hypocrite. If he could tell Bella about the whole vampire thing then I should be able to divulge the secret with some therapist. Two wrongs always made a right.

"So that's all I had to say. It's all right if you want to give me and the do-, I mean, Jacob up. We wont mind. We really feel our relationship is just…peachy."

The doctor straightened and got a dark look on her face. "I don't think so Miss Hale. I'll see you tomorrow, WITH Mister Black, bright and early. Good bye." Then she had the nerve to slap the door in my face. Stupid human. She would pay for that.

And then I remembered how Carlisle would probably know I killed the woman due to his knowledge of my short temper. Is fate TRYING to piss me off by refusing me the things I want?

**The next day…**

**DR.Y POV**

My strange patients entered the room. Miss Hale glared down and grimaced at my new shoes. She was probably jealous of them. Mr. Black looked tired. I looked at him in mild concern. He was my favorite of the two.

"How are you feeling today, Jacob?" I had to call them by their first names because I believed that we were all friends here and there was no need to be formal with friends.

"I'm fine, Dr. Y." I frowned. Had they been calling me this the whole time?

"You can call me Millie, dear." **(A/N: Apologies to people named Millie)**

Rosalie, the rude one, decided to speak here. "Millie, where did you get those shoes?" She said it with distaste. There was no need to be so jealous of my shoes, really. This girl had the nerve to give me some lame excuse yesterday as to why she ripped the door off the hinges AND THEN she had the nerve to suggest giving them up. I was no quitter. I snapped at her.

"I didn't say YOU could call me Millie. You can go on and call me Dr.Y. Jacob can call me Millie." I smiled warmly at Jacob. Miss Hale looked at me like I was a bug on the bottom of her shoe. The feeling was mutual. I gestured toward the chairs in front of me.

**RPOV**

Did she just show a preference for Jacob? Hmmm… I could definitely use this against him later. Hehehehehe.

**JPOV**

Why does Blondie look like she's planning something? Uh- oh.

I sat in the chairs and Blondie sat next to me. Millie started talking.

"Well today I thought we could discuss each other's past. That way we get to know a little more about each other. I spoke to Carlisle and he said you two don't really discuss things like that. As a matter of fact he said you don't do anything besides arguing but we'll fix that later. Let's start with you Jacob." She turned eagerly towards me and out of the corner of my eye I saw Blondie grin slowly. What was her latest scheme now? I guess I'll have to ask Edward later. The whole mind reading thing came in handy sometimes. Except when it was being used on me. That was bad. I started to think about the time Edward told Blondie that I was going to get a skunk and leave it in her closet. She then tried to kill me… until Bella stopped her. THANK GOD.

Millie coughed looking very concerned. "Are you sure you're all right dear?" I nodded.

"My name is Jacob Black. I'm from La Push, Washington." It came out sounding like a question. What was I supposed to say. I'm a werewolf and I spend my days with vampires and my wolf pack of which I am the Alpha. That was about as stupid of ripping the door of it's hinges. Which is exactly why Blondie should have been the one to do it.

"My name is Rosalie Lillian Hale. I'm from New York." Rosalie continued, not needing any prodding from Millie. She just loves to talk about herself.

Millie, however, did not take it too well.

"MISS HALE, DID I SAY YOU COULD SPEAK!?" Blondie looked taken aback by the therapist's sudden hostile behavior. And I must admit so was I. How is she supposed to improve my "relationship" with Blondie? And I use the term "relationship" loosely.

"Um…no." Rosalie said, still shocked.

"THEN SHUTUP!"

**------------**

**OH SNAP!**

**WHAT DOES THIS SUDDDEN HOSTILE BEHAVIOR MEAN?**

**WHAT IS ROSE PLANNING?**

**Me: Do you smell that?**

**You: What?**

**Me: It is the sweet scent of-**

**You: 2009**

**Me: NO! Well… yes.**

**You: Thought so.**

**Me: But that's not what I meant! **

**You: Too bad. I'm going to Myspace.**

**Me: Fine. No sneak peek for you. **

**Thought I'd torture you with the knowledge that I was about to give you a sneak peek. MWA HA HA HA HA!**

**p.s. I'm thinking about starting another story.**

**p.s.s. since school starts next week, the updates are probably gonna slow down (DAMN school…) so enjoy this while you can. **

**p.s.s.s. HAVE AN AWESOME NEW YEAR!**

**p.s.s.s.s. I feel bad now. I'm gonna give you the sneak peek anyway. (DAMN CONSCIENCE…) words in sneak peek are subject to change.**

_I went into my room and shooed Emmett out. It was a bad idea to let him put a TV in here so he could play XBOX from the privacy of his own bed. _

"_But I'm playing Rock Band!" he whined. _

_My husband was whining? Carlisle was right. Playing video games for too long did do things to your brain… _

"_Get out Emmett," I said. Now was not the time to talk. I needed to plan while Edward was still out with Bella, the dog and Nessie. If they came home, my plan would be ruined. _

"_No," he said still strumming his fake plastic guitar. _

"_That's too bad. I bought a new outfit from Victoria's Secret but since you obviously like video games more than me you can forget seeing me in it later."_

"_ALRIGHT! HOLD UP! IM LEAVIN'!" Works every time._

_Now that I could think, I began to plot. I hope you can smell what I'm smelling now. It was the sweet smell of revenge. _


	5. The Plotting Begins

**Rosalie vs. Jacob**

**Chapter 5- The Plotting Begins**

**Disclaimer: Twilight and characters belong to S. Meyer. Santa wasn't nice with letting me have them last year =(**

_**RPOV**_

I went into my room and shooed Emmett out. It was a bad idea to let him put a TV in here so he could play XBOX from the privacy of his own bed.

"But I'm playing Rock Band!" he whined.

My husband was whining? Carlisle was right. Playing video games for too long did do things to your brain…

"Get out Emmett," I said. Now was not the time to talk. I needed to plan while Edward was still out with Bella, the dog and Nessie. If they came home, my plan would be ruined.

"No," he said still strumming his fake plastic guitar.

"That's too bad. I bought a new outfit from Victoria's Secret but since you obviously like video games more than me you can forget seeing me in it later."

"ALRIGHT! HOLD UP! IM LEAVIN'!" Works every time.

Now that I could think, I began to plot. I hope you can smell what I'm smelling now. It was the sweet smell of revenge_. _

**Later…**

_**BPOV**_

We came home from Charlie's house only to find Emmett grumbling about something. Edward chuckled. Whatever was going on with Emmett must have amused him. I opened my shield and asked what was going on.

"Rosalie kicked him out of the bedroom so now he cant finish playing Rock Band 2 until later." I had to stifle my laughter. Jacob's reaction was different though.

"What is Rosalie doing in there?" he asked worriedly. I looked at him questioningly.

"She's… playing Rock Band?" Edward said in shock, not believing his own mind reading powers. Emmett heard that.

"She's doing WHAT!?" He raced up the stairs before Rosalie could ruin his precious video game.

_**EMPOV**_

I raced up the stairs before Rosalie could ruin my precious video game. Rose had never played with my XBOX before so she probably would have no idea what she was doing now.

"ROSE!" I burst through the door. Rose dropped the guitar to the floor, picked up an envelope on the floor and ran out the door. _What was that about? _

_**JPOV**_

I watched Blondie speed down the stairs but she knocked into me in her haste. I steadied her. Wouldn't want her to destroy her low amount of brain cells. She then ran out the door. _What was that about?_

_**RPOV**_

Phew. That was close. Alice was great at hiding her thoughts from Edward. I, however was not so skilled in that area. So when Emmett interrupted me, taking my mind off the difficult video game, I panicked. So I rushed out the house before my plan was revealed to Edward. I knew from previous experience that he would warn the dog.

**The next day…**

_**JPOV**_

We didn't have therapy today but that didn't stop Millie from calling the house requesting that I alone came for some extra sessions with her. As long as it wasn't with Blondie I didn't mind… much.

"HI JAKE!" Millie greeted me cheerfully.

"Um, hi?" I said. What was with the unnecessary enthusiasm?

"I hope you don't mind it if I called you Jake. Whoever picked up the phone at the house this morning called you Jake so…"

She glanced at me from the corner of her eye then looked down at the floor blushing.

"That's fine." What was with the blushing? She looked relieved.

"Well c'mon. I think we should go to my house for this session. I, er, forgot to eat breakfast."

"Okay." I followed Millie out the door. She kept looking back at me to check that I was still there while we walked to her car. It was a Volkswagon New Beetle. I got into the small car, having to duck my head. My body was not built to accommodate cars like these. She got into the driver's side looking at me worriedly.

"Oh no, Jake. Oh no. I'm so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so sorry that my car is so so so so so small. I'll drive fast. I swear. I promise." She put her seat belt on and started to speed down the road. Only apologizing the whole time.

I wondered why Millie was acting so weird and nervous. It freaked me out more than that time I saw Blondie in that green face mask. Ugh. I shuddered. Millie looked over, sped up and apologized more. We finally mad it to her house.

_**RPOV**_

This is gonna be good…

_**JPOV**_

I walked into Millie's small clean, pink house. There walls were pink, the appliances were pink. The furniture was pink. It was like being stuffed inside a Barbie house. Blondie had much better taste than this.

I sat down on her fluffy pink couch with the cream pillows and tried to get comfortable but I had the feeling I was being washed. I turned around and my suspicions were confirmed when I saw Millie staring at me. She was starting to give me the creeps.

She came to sit next to me. She was really close. Really, really close. I moved over but she just kept coming closer every time I tried to move. Pretty soon I was trapped against the side of the chair, Millie staring at me with her eyes wide.

"You're not like Miss Hale, Jake. You're different." _Well, duh_, I thought but didn't say anything. Then I heard something. It sounded sort of like…a snicker. "You're well- mannered and sweet, I like you very much." While she paused I was wondering what was going on and why she was acting so strange. But more importantly I was wondering what that scent was. It smelled like vampire. But not just any vampire. It smelled like a certain vampire I knew and hated. Before I could act, Millie leaned into me quickly while I just sat there in shock and her lips smashed against mine.

The said vampire outright laughed and while my eyes were closed a light flashed in my face.

**- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - **

**HAHAHAHA**

**You're just gonna have to wait to see what happens next but just to make it harder… I wont post the next chapter until I get at least THREE (3) REVIEWS! **

**Happy New Year!**


	6. ROSE DID WHAT NOW?

**HAHAHA! I WAS SO INSPIRED BY YOU PEOPLE WHO DID NOT DISAPOINT IN THE REVIEW SECTION AND ADDED ME/THE STORY TO ALERTS AND FAVORITES THAT I'M TYPING THIS CHAPTER 4 U NOW! (my email inbox is being bombarded with this)ENJOY! LUV U PEOPLES**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Twilight would I be writing this disclaimer? Thought so.**

**HAPPY NEW YEARS**

**Rosalie vs. Jacob**

**Chapter 6- ROSE DID WHAT NOW!?**

_**JPOV**_

I chased after Rosalie who hopped into her BMW and drove off. I phased and ran after her. While I ran I thought. This must have been what Blondie was planning. She followed me here, probably knowing that this was what was going to happen. Alice might've been in on the plan. And possibly Edward. I'm pretty sure he would have warned me. How did girls know when people had crushes on them, anyways? It must be apart of the X chromosome. She even took a PICTURE OF IT!

And then it hit me. She was going to use this info against me. BLACKMAIL! So this is what it has come too. From insults to blackmail. Blondie was going DOWN. It was on.

_**RPOV**_

Hahahahaha! If I had time too I would have totally taken a picture of the dogs face as he realized that I took a picture of that kiss but I knew he would have caught me if I stayed for that. I would hang this over his stinky little head. Threatening to tell his _pack_ and the rest of my family of what had happened with that little picture. I might even twist the story to make it sound like HE made the moves on our therapist. And she actually fell for those secret admirer notes! **(Rose put secret admirer notes in Millie's desk)** Speaking of the therapist…

_**MPOV (DR. MILLIE YURUGAMA)**_

OH NO OH NO OH NO OH NO OH NO OH NO OH NO OH NO OH NO OH NO OH NO OH NO OH NO OH NO OH NO OH NO OH NO OH NO OH NO OH NO OH NO!

Jacob ran out of here so fast. Why??? Did he not like the kiss I gave him???? I mean, I could swear he liked me! Did I get the signs wrong? I got those secret admirer notes so I kept my eye open for any guys who seemed to have the hots for me. At first I thought (AND HOPED! AND PRAYED! AND BEGGED!) that it was Carlisle. I KNOW he's married but c'mon! LOOK AT HIM!

And then I noticed that he was less mean to me. So I totally thought it was him! And now look what happened! **(AN: to avoid confusion remember- ROSALIE put secret notes in Millie's desk so she would think Jacob liked her, JACOB- doesn't actually like Millie. He's just naturally a nicer person than Rose, MILLIE- is clueless. ALICE AND EDWARD- are not in on Rose's plan) **

_**RPOV**_

No one was home when I got there. Good. Now I can threaten the dog without distractions. I knew he followed me here. The scent wasn't hard to miss. Unfortunately.

He came in the door in human form shaking slightly.

"What now?" he said angrily.

"Blackmail. Cooperate and I won't tell everyone you were smacking lips with some psychotic therapist **(ironic, isn't it?)**."

"What do you want?" He could barely speak he was shaking so hard. I swear, if he phased and attacked me I was going to kill him. When Edward yelled at me for it I'll just casually forget about the whole imprint, he, Bella and Nessie love him thing. Whatever.

"Hmmmm… when I invite Charlie, the rest of the pack and their family over for dinner, I want you to say 'Rosalie is the awesome person ever in the whole world' when I tap my glass with a fork. When I touch my hair, I want you to say 'Edward Cullen is a jerk face.' When I play with my necklace I want you to say 'Leah needs to take a bath. She smells worse than me.'" **(AN: I'm not gonna lie. I got this idea from The Fresh Prince of Bell-Air. The Best Show EVER in my opinion.)**

His eyes widened. "Leah?"

"Yes, Leah."

"You ARE evil."

"Thank you."

"You agree?"

He grimaced. "Fine."

____________________________________________

**THAT WAS POSITIVELY DELICIOUS!**

**Feel free to give me some ideas 4 the next chapter.**

**AND I WANT 10 REVIEWS (AT LEAST) THIS TIME!**


	7. An Extra: Love Notes

**Note: This is just an extra. NOT an actual chapter. And I still don't own Jacob Black (DAMN!)**

**So I've decided to write a couple of examples of those secret admirer notes. (mentioned in previous chapter)**

**Here we go:**

Dearest Millie,

The sight of you and your penny loafers sends my heart into frenzied palpitations. Your Bedazzled Rita Skeeter glssses sparkle in the sunlight just like your eyes. Your eyes- the color of the ground in a cow barn. Lovely.

-Your Secret Admirer

Dearest Millie,

Today you were wearing overalls. You looked just Old Macdonald. You know the song- "Old Macdonald had a farm. Eeeyi eeeyi oh." Everytime I see you I think of that song. Seriously. Rosalie Hale may be the most perfect, most beautiful and awesomest person ever but you're the coolest loser I've ever met. Her golden locks are soft and shiny while yours is a poopy brown, dull and boring but being the absolute dog I am, I tend to overlook those incredibly important details.

- Your Secret Admirer

Dearest Millie,

Oh boy. I'm so excited to see that you love me as much as I love you. The obvious way your eyes light up at my big, dumb and ugly face makes me want to do the Souldjia Boy Dance (SUPERMAN THAT HO!) over and over again. Do you know how to do that dance? I hope we can perform it for our friends and family at our wedding. I think we'll do it at the dog kennel at the Forks Animal Adoption Center. Seeing as I'm such a dog and all, I certainly belong there and not at the Cullen home where I constantly bother the best person ever, Rosalie Hale. We shall live among them, in our dog cage full of splendor. Our children shall run free and wild just like me when Rosalie lets me off the leash. Speaking of the wonderful, extraordinary person known as Rosalie, she has **ASSURED** me, **OVER AND OVER **again that she **WILL NOT **attend our wedding. I cannot imagine why. Watching you walk down the aisle with your low fashion sense shall make me giddy with joy. We are a perfect match in this "dog eat dog" world.

-Your Secret Admirer who will never cease to love you **NO MATTER** **WHAT** I do so don't start thinking that I don't like you because I will always like you. **NO MATTER WHAT**. No matter what I say to you. Let me repeat that: **EVEN IF I SAY I DON'T LIKE YOU, IT'S JUST A LIE AND I ACTUALLY DO.**

P.S. **NO MATTER WHAT!**

**AN: Well, it's pretty obvious that Rose cannot write fake love notes. She should stick to shopping. **

**P.S. While I have gotten some reviews for my previous chapter it is NOT TEN (as I write)! So keep them coming!**

**Have a vamptastic day!**


	8. Foiled

**Check out the story _The Love Bet_ by IntotheLiquidTopaz. That is the best piece of Fanfiction I have EVER READ. And thanks to Silvermoon of Forestclan for pointing out that Edward could read Jacob's mind to see the plan. (WHICH WOULD BE BAD)**

**Note: I rewrote it. **

Rosalie VS. Jacob

Chapter 7- Foiled

Disclaimer: Don't own Twilight. Still.

_**TWO DAYS LATER…**_

_**RPOV**_

I walked over to Bella while Edward was out getting piano cleaner to make it _shiny_. Nerd. She was sitting in the living room at the cottage we all gave her and the aforementioned nerd for her birthday. She was reading _Wuthering Heights_. She looked up when I entered without knocking. This was not the time for manners. This was the time for business.

"Hey Bella."

"Hey Rose. What's up?"

"I wanted to ask you a favor."

"Sure. What is it?"

"I want you to use your shield on everyone except Edward, of course, tonight at dinner." She looked shocked.

"Why?" I had my excuse/lie ready.

"I just wanted Edward to suffer for tonight. For fun."

"I don't-"

"Please! Please, please I wont ask for anything ever again. Emmett won't make those sexual innuendos when you and Edward aren't in the room ever again." Her eyes tightened.

"I thought I told him not to do that anymore." _Oopsy. _

"Right. I knew that," I said nervously.

"Well… if you want."

"THANKS BELLA! ALICE WON'T EVER MAKE YOU GO SHOPPING AGAIN!" Obviously, that was a lie. Nothing stops Alice when it comes to shopping. Actually nothing stops Alice no matter what. I ran out the door. It was a good thing Alice wouldn't be able to see what was going to happen since dogs would be involved.

**Later that same day….**

**DINNER**

_**JPOV**_

Stupid Blonde. I glared at Blondie from across the table where everyone was sitting. This was going to be horrible. She looked my way once she realized that I was glaring and smiled one of those sugary sweet smiles at me which usually meant trouble. I looked around the table where I saw Edward and Bella having a silent conversation with their eyes. Edward looked frustrated. Wonder what that was about. I looked back at Blondie, waiting for her to do one of her signals. While I waited I thought about the plan Bella and I had come up with the day before. I hoped she had taken the picture before tonight. Too late to ask. (**AN: In case you're wondering what this is about you shall understand later. hehehe)**

Blondie tapped her glass. "Rosalie is the awesomest person in the whole world," I recited loud and clear. The room went deadly silent, everyone staring at me.

After five minutes of confused looks everyone went back to eating or in the vampire's cases, talking. _Oh hell no!_, I thought as I saw her playing with her necklace. "Leah needs to take a bath. She smells worse than me."

"_What did you say?"_ Leah was glaring at me. Seth looked scared. As he should. He lived with her and he witnessed first hand the Leah tantrums. Leah stood, picked some mashed potatoes off her plate and threw it at me. I ducked and it hit Alice who was passing by after she went to pick up the phone. It didn't hit her face but…

_**APOV**_

OHMYJASPER!

I was just walking back to my seat and Leah threw mashed potatoes at MY BRAND NEW ZAC POSEN **(AN: Zac Posen is a designer.)** DRESS! I froze and saw Rosalie stifling giggles into her hand. My eyes flashed and I wiped the potatoes off and threw them at HER HAIR.

_**RPOV**_

I knew a food fight was going to erupt after Alice threw the potatoes at my face. I touched my hair, feeling the potatoes. Before I could pounce for Alice's scrawny little neck, Jacob said the words: "Edward is a jerk face." Damn. I regretted telling Jacob that right there cause Edward looked _pissed. _Like Bella finds out Jacob nicknamed Renesmee after the Loch Ness Monster pissed.Bella could see it too. She grabbed his arm to stop him from doing something he would probably regret later. Edward's face then snapped to mine.

Bella must have removed the shield. Crap. He nodded. Jacob looked excited to see what Edward would do to me. That traitor… That's it. I'm whipping out the pictures. I reached into my purse and took out the picture of him and Millie kissing. Only to find that it wasn't there. _WTF?_, I thought.

Bella looked over at my hand and held up her purse and raised an eyebrow. I realized what that gesture meant.

_Bella took the picture._


	9. Foiled Again

**Rosalie Vs. Jacob**

**Chapter 8- Foiled Again**

_**RPOV**_

Bella took the picture out and handed it to Jacob in front of my frozen face. He took one look at it, threw a grateful glance at her and stood up the same time as I did. He ran out the living room but being a vampire I had the advantage and took the picture from him. I looked at it and saw that it was actually a picture of Nessie. I turned around and saw Bella dangling the picture in front of the fireplace **(AN: I know there was no fireplace there in the book but I need it so too bad.) **. Before I could reach her she threw it in and the picture burned. I WAS SO STUPID! I SHOULD HAVE MADE MORE THAN ONE COPY!!!

Everyone at the table except Edward looked so confused. Wondering why I was kneeling in front of the fire saying "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

_DAMNIT BELLA!!!_

_**JPOV**_

_THANK YOU BELLA!!!_

_**APOV**_

_LEAH BETTER REPLACE THIS DRESS!!!_

**_________________**

**Hehehehehehe**

**My mind works in strange ways. **

**I don't think Rose and Jake are gonna be sent back to Millie but Jacob and Rose DO need some sort of way to get Rose back… which is why you are going to suggest something. Unless I come up with something myself.**

**I demand 5 reviews!**


	10. Rosalie the Actress

**Thanks for everyone who reviewed and/or gave me ideas for future chapters. Some of your ideas were similar so I'm just gonna mention people who gave me ideas: Silvermoon of Forestclan, SweetSoul3155, and twilightfan4eva.**

**P.S. Sorry that the 7th chapter has all these underlines. I didn't put those there. This website hates me. *sigh* I will fix it eventually. **

**Disclaimer: After saying I don't own Twilight 8 times you should get the point by now. **

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**Rosalie VS. Jacob**

**Chapter 9- Rosalie the Actress**

_**JPOV**_

After the party I of course did what any sensible person would do. I thought of revenge. Blondie had blackmailed me and almost got me killed by Leah AND Edward. This would have to be really good. I thought about what Rosalie liked most in this world. Herself. Problem was, it wasn't like I could mess up her face (although it was a tempting idea) so I thought about something else about herself she liked and came up with a memory from back when Bella was pregnant with Nessie…

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_**RPOV**_

I knew the dog wasn't a complete idiot so, yeah, I did think he was plotting revenge against me. The fact that BELLA helped him out last time was not a good omen. It meant that my very own family was willing to go against me. This was not a pleasing thought. All I knew was if Emmett dared to go up against me he was dead meat.

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_**The next day…**_

_**Jacob POV**_

I walked over to Emmett while he was playing on his XBOX in his bedroom.

"Hey Emmett."

"Can't…talk…playing…Halo…hard… must…win!"

"Ummm…okay. I just wanted to ask a favor."

"Can't…talk…playing…Halo…hard… must…win!"

"Yeah, I get it. You know how Rosalie threatens to take the XBOX out of the room all the time?" He answered with a grunt. "I heard her tell Alice that she was gonna throw your Rock Band set AND your XBOX away." That made him pause the game and turn to me with a horrified expression.

"WHAT!? NOOOOO!!!"

"That's what I thought too, big guy. So I thought we should do something to get her back for it." I said this as convincingly as possible but he frowned.

"I don't think so. Rose doesn't like it when I do things like that to her. I remember that one time…" He looked off in another direction remembering some memory.

"C'mon. What's the worst she could do?"

"Are you seriously asking me that?"

"Right. Look, what if I took the blame? If she thought it was you, I'd just say it was me. That way she'll never know."

"Well…fine." I grinned, resisting the urge to do a fist punch into the air. I told Emmett the plan. He looked shocked by it.

"She'll kill me," he said.

"No," I said frowning sadly, "she'll kill ME."

*****************************

_**RPOV**_

When I came back from my hunting trip with Alice and Jasper (no way was I going with Bella after what she did) the dog was there. Warning bells went off in my head. Emmett wasn't anywhere I could see.

"Where's Emmett?" I said.

"He went out with Bella, Edward and Nessie to the amusement park. Carlisle's at work. Esme went for some design books." He looked bored but that could always be a trick.

Alice chose then to speak. "Esme went without me! I'll see you guys later. C'mon Jazz." They walked out, foolishly leaving me with the dog. I ignored him walking up the stairs and into my room. I heard the TV turn on downstairs. From what I heard he was watching Spongebob. More proof he was an idiot. **(AN: Rose's opinion not mine.)**

I went into my walk-in closet to look for the necklace Alice bought me the other week and noticed that something was off. I couldn't put my finger on it. I looked around trying to isolate the change. And then it hit me. _HOW DARE HE!_

*****************************

_**JPOV**_

I heard her scream. Snickering I walked up the stairs and into her room, where clothes were being flying out from the doorway of her closet. I heard her panicked voice and grinned even wider.

"_WHERE ARE THEY!? WHERE ARE THEY!?"_

I laughed. The clothes stopped flying and she walked out of her closet slowly, turning to face me with a hateful, murderous expression. I stepped back. Maybe I should have ran when I heard her scream, met up with the guys at the amusement park and when I came back there would have been witnesses to my death. But there was no one here. Except me and a psychopath blonde who had lost her wardrobe. _Stupid, Stupid, Stupid. _

"What did you do?" she said calmly. _The calm before the storm_, I thought.

"I went over to Charlie's house, got all of Bella's clothes and switched them with yours. Then I went to K-Mart (the store) and bought you some new ones."

"What did you do with my clothes?" She was still calm. For now.

"Goodwill."

"YOU GAVE MY DESIGNER CLOTHES TO CHARITY!?"

"Yep."

"ALL OF THEM!"

"Yep."

"AND BOUGHT ME NEW ONES AT- AT- AT…" I could see she couldn't bear to same the name of the store. "K-MART! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE K IN K-MART STANDS FOR YOU DOG!? IT STANDS OF KING OF CHEAP! AS IN UGLY, CHEAP CLOTHES!!! **(AN: Apologies to anyone who gets all their clothes at K-Mart) **I WANT MY PRADA!!!!!!!!!" She then fell and sobbed tearless sobs. I stared in shock. She has _feelings_?

"How could you do this to me Jacob? I thought after the blackmail incident we could finally be friends but I guess I was wrong!!!!! I-I-I thought we could finally put the past behind us! And be friends!!! Or at least, not enemies!" She continued to dry sob. I fell to the floor and hugged her.

"I'm sorry Rosalie! I didn't think you wanted to be friends!!! I promise not to do it again!! Guess what? I didn't even give your clothes to Goodwill! They're at my house and some extra had to be stuffed at Charlie's house! Okay, maybe I did give some to Goodwill." She sobbed harder. "But we could always buy them back!" She quieted down some and broke away.

"Really?" she said.

"I promise. I'll even hold the bags at the mall when you replace the clothes I gave away."

"Thanks, Jake." She smiled and hugged me. I heard someone walk up the stairs. They opened the door. It was Carlisle. He gaped in shock seeing Rosalie hugging me on her bedroom floor. Then he ran out shouting.

"THE THERAPY WORKED!!!" He appeared back at the door and took a picture with a camera. Then he ran off to go shout some more.

*****************************

_**RPOV**_

I can't believe Carlisle had to go and take a picture. Ugh. I shooed the dog out of the room, making up the excuse that I had to clean the mess of clothes up.

He was soooooo stupid for actually believing that act I put on. As if I'd actually want to be friends with him!!! I sniffed myself. I smelled like dog. Eww. I went into the bathroom to take a shower. _At least I got someone to hold my bags and when I get him back for what he did he won't see it coming._

*****************************

_**At Jake's house after saying bye to Nessie…**_

_**JPOV**_

DAMN! Today was crazy. I made revenge on Rose only to find she had a good side. Wait 'till the pack heard this!

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**Ohhhh Jake. Sorry to burst your bubble but things aren't always what they seem! **

**MWAHAHAHAHA!! I think this was the longest chapter written. Hmmmm…**

**Thanks for reading. And another thanks to people who put this on story alert and favorite stories!! Review PLZ! **


	11. Et tu Alice?

**Thanks AGAIN to Silvermoon of Forestclan and twilightfan4eva for this idea(s). ROSALIE HATES YOU FOR IT!!! Congrats! :) And Twilightlovur1612 for an idea I could use later. If there IS a later....  
**

**Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN TWILIGHT! Sheesh.**

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**Rosalie VS. Jacob**

**Chapter 10- Et tu Alice?**

**Three days later…**

_**APOV**_

I walked into the mall for a new Zac Posen dress to replace the last one that a certain SOMEONE destroyed. I thought it was Leah's fault but from Bella I learned that technically it was Rosalie's. My shopping partner. Turned against me. Sigh.

I wanted to do something to Rose for that. I considered going to Jacob since he and Rosalie seemed to already be in some sort of war against each other but I didn't want to take sides in THAT war. And Jacob really does smell.

Plus I heard of Rosalie's soft side coming out while I was at the bookstore. As if. When you live with Rose for a couple of decades you learn that Rose doesn't _have_ a soft side…well, she did. But no way would she reveal it to Jacob after he threw out some of her clothes. Rose loved her clothes. _Loved them._

Since Rosalie would be on guard since the clothes fiasco I would have to do something else. But what? What could that be….?

_**5 stores and 10 bags later…**_

I had finally come up with something that Rose loved. Her hair! Hehehe.

Somehow. Someway... I was going to have to somehow chop of her signature hair. **(AN: Reminds me of Robert Pattinson. Only he probably cut his hair voluntarily.)**

************

_**RPOV**_

UGH. Why is it so hard to come up with a way to get the dog back for getting rid of my clothes!!! Plus, to get rid of them he probably had to touch them too. Which means, I would have to BURN ALL MY CLOTHES! WHY ME!?

I walked down the stairs frustrated hoping I could see something that would give me inspiration. You'd think that after decades of pranking Edward I'd have some endless supply of prank ideas but noooo. I was fresh out.

Alice was coming in holding her shopping bags. She smiled at me when she saw me. I could always count on Alice so I decided to ask her what she thought I would do.

"Hey Alice! Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Sure," she said.

"Let's go for a run." I DID NOT want Edward or Bella or Nessie to hear and go babbling.

As soon as we were a safe distance from the house. I began to talk. "So I want to get back at Jacob for ruining my wardrobe. But I'm fresh out of ideas. What do you think?"

************

_**APOV**_

What? Rosalie Hale had the nerve to ask for my opinion after what she did to my dress? Who did she think she was? The most perfect- …...oh wait, never mind.

An idea suddenly came to me.

"How bout I help you! We can work on it together. Leah hit me with those potatoes but since I can't get back at her, we can just get back at the dog!" I used the nickname Rose used for Jacob so she would believe that I really was turning as malicious as her. Which I wasn't.

Rosalie gasped. "No way! I didn't know you had it in you Alice!" Best believe I do you backstabbing Zac Posen dress ruining fool. Standing there with your pretty little Prada while I had to buy me a new dress. That gravy stain from them potatoes will never come out. Damn the clothing gods.

_**Later...**_

Now that Rose and I were working together. It might be easier to chop off those golden locks of hers. I mentally patted myself on the back for my genius.

I sat in my room with the scissors behind my back waiting for Rose to show up for a brainstorm on how to get Jacob back for his deeds. She came in then.

"Hey Alice."

"Hi Rose. Why don't you have a seat right here while I go into the door _behind _you where my closet is so I can get something?"

"Sure." She sat in the chair. I giggled. She looked at me questioningly. I shook my head and walked behind her.

"So I was thinking..." she said. I touched the top of her head. "What are you doing?" she questioned me.

"Umm... There's something in your hair and I don't want you to look any less perfect than you already are."

"Oh. Thanks!"

"No problem." I mumbled as I started unevenly cutting her hair. "What are you doing?" Ugh. Always the same questions:'What are you doing?' and 'What do you want?' Where's the variety!? I shook my head to get rid of the Joker from Gotham thoughts.

"I'm giving you a brand new look." Then I swiveled her around to face the mirror across the room.

************

_**RPOV**_

As soon as I saw my reflection in that mirror I froze and my mind went blank.

"Perfect," Alice whispered in my ear. Of course this made me very angry and I snapped back to reality. I got up marched slowly to the mirror and looked closely. My beautiful gold locks were cut unevenly. Some short some medium but not the same length as before. I touched it and that was when I broke down. I lunged for Alice's throat.

************

_**Emmett's POV**_

I could hear scuffling noises coming from upstairs while I was watching Spongebob, the greatest show ever. I went up to investigate. You cant really appreciate Spongebob's laugh when there are scuffles and squeaks coming from above you.

I opened the door to Alice's room and saw Rose and Alice engaged in a cat fight. I broke them apart. "What's going on?"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHAT'S GOING ON!? LOOK AT MY HAIR!" Rose yelled. I winced. Having acute senses and people yelling loudly in your ear equals some serious pain. I looked at my wife's hair.

"You got a haircut? It looks weird."

"NO, DUH!" Alice giggled. Rose struggled against my hold trying to grab Alice who was making faces.

"I know how we can settle this fight," I suggested. They looked at me. "ROCK BAND!"

Rose smacked her palm to her forehead and Alice shook her head in shame.

Bella chose this moment to enter the room. "What's going on? Edward is downstairs laughing his head off and he can't seem to-" She had caught sight of the new haircut and started laughing. With her hand over her mouth she walked out barely managing to get out these words: "OKAY (laugh) OKAY (laugh) I (laugh) see (laugh) your (laugh) point (laugh) EDWARD! (laugh, laugh, laugh,etc.)"

************

_**Later...**_

_**JPOV**_

When I walked into the mansion I saw something no one should EVER have to see. It was Blondie. Looking slightly ugly. Oh yes, that's right. Don't bother reading over the words again. You heard me. The length of her hair was halfway down her neck. Pretty sure vampires can't grow their hair back.

"What happened?"

Alice answered."I cut it."

"Why?"

Blondie answered."'CAUSE SHE'S A BACKSTABBING FREAK!"

Alice calmly interjected."I did it against her will. As a joke."

"I'M SURE AS HELL NOT SEEING THE JOKE!"

"Edward still is," Bella mumbled. I looked around. _Where is Edward?_ Bella looked at me and sensing my inquiry replied.

"Every time he looks at Rose he starts to laugh so he can't be in the same room as her or she'll kill him for it." I chuckled.

"SHUTUP, YOU MORONIC DOG!" A little louder Blondie. I don't think China heard you. I walked forward to take Nessie out of Bella's arms. I came to see _her_. Not Blondie's new 'do. Even if it was hilarious. VERY VERY hilarious.

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**The name of the chapter was called 'Et tu Alice?' Named it after 'Et tu Brutus?' GET IT? If not Google. Don't ask.**

**Ugh. This is my WORST CHAPTER YET! The funny was lower than Miley Cyrus's IQ! **

**(APOLOGIES IF YOU WERE OFFENDED! BUT C'MON! NUDE PHOTO SHOOT WITH 8 YR OLDS LOOKIN UP TO HER!) If it helps I have all of her/Hannah Montana's albums. Sad fact about me. **

**10 Reviews before you get to see the next chapter. But this would also be a good place to end the story... Hmmmmm..... In the words of Victoria- "We shall see.................." **


	12. The End

**Thanks to Silvermoon of Forestclan and Twilightlovur1612 for the story ideas.**

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the awesome known as Twilight.

**Rosalie VS. Jacob**

**Chapter 11- The End**

_**JPOV**_

"So what do you suggest we do?"

Leah was talking to me now. I think it was only for today though. I had strode into Emily's home saying that I wanted to get back at Blondie and my pack as well as Sam's snapped to attention.

" I guess we could...I don't know," I said. Everyone looked shocked. I'm sure I did too. All this time pranking Blondie and I had finally run out of juice. This was a sad, sad day indeed. Suddenly, Emily who usually doesn't join in on these conversations (she was a peace keeper. pssh), came up with something that I will NEVER forget.

"Since Alice cut her hair, why don't you guys just dye it?"

Everyone gaped at her open mouthed. She didn't see since she was mixing some cake batter. I silently thanked Sam for having good taste in potential imprintees and walked out, no one noticing.

_**Meanwhile...**_

_**RPOV**_

I walked into Duane Reade to get the pink hair dye. After straining my mind for an hour or so while driving in my car, I figured it out. I knew exactly what I was going to do to the dog. I knew he wouldn't like it. But of course that was the point.

I was going to dye his hair pink. Neon pink wolf. LOL. I walked up to the cashier, hair dye in hand. The cashier oogled at me.

"Heeeeeeey baby. Does your head hurt?"

"No," I said annoyed.

"Well it must from when you fell from heaven." He grinned at his stupid pick up line and leaned toward me. I shoved a twenty in his mouth and walked outta there before I lost my dignity.

_**JPOV**_

I walked into Duane Reade to get the pink hair dye. I decided the least I could do was to give her her favorite color. That'll make the slow torturous death she's gonna give me later slightly quicker. Or at least, I hoped so.

The cashier looked depressed when I got up to him.

"Hey man. Life is like a Twinkie. It tastes delicious but then just when you think you've found the perfect Twinkie that will love your Twinkie forever. THAT Twinkie kicks your Twinkie into the sewage. Then your Twinkie smells like crap and tastes like crap." He suddenly grabbed my shoulders to shake me. He had to stand on the counter to do this. "DON'T LET THAT TWINKIE MESS YOU UP MAN! THAT TWINKIE IS HARSH! BEAUTIFUL BUT HARSH! RESIST THE CREAM FILLING! GO FOR THE DEVIL DOG INSTEAD!" I pushed him off me, took out a ten dollar bill and threw it on the counter. That guy was nuts. A beautiful but harsh Twinkie? Beautiful and harsh sounded like Rosalie. She _thinks_ she's beautiful and she's definitely harsh. Weird. It's not like he knew her right?

Right?

_**RPOV**_

Now I just had to get into the dog pen. Also known as- Jacob's house. This would obviously be a problem. I mean, his dad, Willy or whatever lived there. So I guess I would have to use my charm. I knew from listening to conversations from Bella and the dog that Billy's wife was dead and since no man could refuse me- except one...- then I could totally get him to let me in. I knocked on the door.

"Hello," said a man in a wheelchair looking surprised to see me.

"Hi Willy-"

"It's Billy."

"That's what I said. Anyway, I was wondering if I could just put this in your bathroom?" I held up the bag, being careful not to show the box of pink dye in there.

"Sure." He held out his hand.

"No, Manny-"

"I said, Billy."

"WHO GIVES A CRAP WHAT YOUR NAME IS! ? I JUST WANT TO PERSONALLY GO INTO THE BATHROOM AND DROP THIS OFF!" I stopped. Manny was looking at me, angry now.

"Goodbye." He slammed the door in my face.

_Dammit!_

_**JPOV**_

I walked into the Cullen house, finding it empty. I guess no one was home. GOOD!

Even though I knew no one was home, I was too scared of someone coming home and catching me to care so I tip-toed up Rosalie's incredibly large bathroom. I unscrewed her shampoo bottle cover and poured the dye in.

I quickly dashed down the stairs and saw Rosalie standing in front of the door. She scowled. I cowered thinking she heard what I did.

"What are you doing, you dog?"

"I'm just...looking for Nessie."

"OBVIOUSLY, she's not here. Stupid."

"Oh. Right." I walked quickly past her and out the door.

_**RPOV**_

I went to take a shower. After sneaking into Jacob's house when Willy refused me entry to get the dye into his shampoo bottle, I smelled like dog. It made me nauseous. Can vampires even get nauseous?

When I came out, I got the surprise of my life. My hair was a bright neon pink. I screamed.

_**JPOV**_

When I got home, my father said something to me that freaked me out a little.

"The blond vampire came here to give you something." I looked up.

"What?"

"I don't know. I didn't let her in. She's horrible. I don't know how you can go to that house everyday without killing her."

"Renesmee," I said with a smile.

I went to the bathroom to take a shower. I figured if I took a shower I could get rid of the feeling that Rosalie was out to get me...again.

After that I walked out the house with a pair of sweatpants on. My dad didn't look as I passed him. Outside I phased and ran to the meeting spot in the woods. When I got to the clearing, everyone looked at me and their eyes widened. They then started to laugh, especially Leah. I saw in their minds what was so funny. It was my fur. I was...pink.

ROSALIE. IS. DEAD.

The pack laughed harder as they heard this in my head.

_**EmPOV**_

I walked in the door and saw Rosalie's hair.

"UGH. He messed it up again!?"

"YES!" She screeched. "I'm going to go kill him now, 'kay Em?"

Just then the door smashed open and Jacob walked in.

"Hey Jacob," I said. He didn't look away from Rosalie.

"What did you do to MY HAIR YOU PSYCHOPATH BLONDE!?" I looked up. His hair was exactly the same shade as Rose's. I laughed. He didn't even look at me to tell me to stop. This must be bad.

"Emmett. Shut up or I will take your XBOX." That came from Rosalie.

"WHY ARE PEOPLE TRYING TO TAKE AWAY MY XBOX!?"

"SHUTUP!" This came from both Rose and Jacob.

"You know what? I'm tired of THIS! JUST SHUTUP, YOU GUYS! JUST DYE YOUR HAIR BACK TO IT'S ORIGINAL COLOR!"

"But-"

"Em-"

"NO BUTS! JUST DO WHAT I SAY!" They bowed their heads in shame.

"NOW APOLOGIZE!"

"Sorry." They said this at the same time.

"Good. Now go to your room!" Rosalie walked off. Jacob looked at me.

"I don't live here."

"Use Jasper's."

"Can't I just go to my own house?"

"NO!!!"

"Fine" He walked upstairs.

I am Emmett. I AM THE MAN! AND NO ONE WILL TAKE MY XBOX IF I HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT IT! DAMN STRAIGHT!

**Well there you have it. No you did not misread the chapter name. The story is officially more over than Michael Copon's career as Jacob Black. But the fun doesn't stop here. Author Alert me so when I put up my new story, you guys will get it and who knows? There may even be a sequel...**

**THANKS FOR ALERTING AND FAVORITING!**

**Have a happy twilight filled week!**


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